Welcome, Australia, to Labor’s philosophical brothel of ideas where any virtue is for sale—purchased for popularity but never loved beyond the dirty, grimy bed where these ideals have been laid down to be abused and deflowered by
the Labor Party and by their cohort of senior ministers. It is the philosophical brothel of ideas. It has no substance, it is so tacky, it is so horrible; and everybody— even the Greens—feels they have been used. That is the resentment that is welling up because people—even we on this side—believed that Kevin was serious about what he said. But we were duped. Now we have this incredible many and varied personality.
It has always amazed me. This personality started with ‘2020 Kevin’—that earnest man sitting on the carpet, cross-legged with his clipboard and taking down notes. He was taking notes, he was listening to Australia, he had a thousand people around for tea and he was going to make them all feel satisfied. What did we get out of that? What a revelation: we got the republic. I thought we had already heard that idea. Anyway, that is what we got from that.
Then we had ‘Combat Kevin’. This man wants war. He had a war on obesity. He had a war on drugs. He had a war on inflation. He is a very violent man. He had a war on unemployment. He had a war on executive salaries. He was going to help the disadvantaged but he was going to have a war on homelessness.
When he was not at war he was starting revolutions. He had a Building the Education Revolution. It was revolution and wars. It was him in his DPCUs with his Steyr under his arm. He was out there having wars. Then we had ‘Earnest Kevin’, who was saying ‘sorry’ but not actually doing anything about Indigenous disadvantage. He was having review after review; he was having reviews on reviews. He was a man who lived in reviews, who lived as a dilettante wandering across the nation picking up daisies and thinking about the world. It was ‘Earnest Kevin’—He had jets and he believed in visiting people—wherever they lived. This is earnestness.
Then we had ‘Copenhagen Kevin’. He was going to cool the planet from a room in Canberra. He told us so. He was going to do it by himself. He did not need anybody else; he was flying solo on this one. He was really going to show us how big his muscles were! The unfortunate thing was that he was not only going to cool the planet; he was also going to try to cool everybody’s house. He was going to spend $2.45 billion cooling everybody’s house. But, far from cooling people’s houses, he actually ended up burning down in excess of 110 of them. Tragically, there were deaths associated with this. So much for ‘Copenhagen Kevin’.
Then we had ‘Casualty Kevin’. He was dressed up in a blue smock. He had a little plastic blue hat, a plastic blue jacket, and he had his little plastic pants and his plastic booties on. And it came with an association: he had Nicola in blue as well.The Prime Minister was dressed up in blue. He was very blue; and I know that. And he looked at the camera, and he winked at the camera, and he took his little blue smock and he disappeared. I was wondering what he was going to do. Maybe he was going to operate on somebody. I did not know. But I earnestly believed that today he was in blue and he was going to do something. It was all part of the rhetoric.
The last one we have is ‘Castro Kevin’. This is the one who nationalises the mining industry. Castro Prime Minister’—this one believes in nationalising the mining industry. This manifestation—in the ritual of new images being displayed for the Australian people—is peculiar in the extreme. Where was this promise at the last election? Australia has not heard something like this since 1949, when they were going to nationalise the banks. Don’t worry; it almost brought about a civil war, but let’s just put that behind us. Let’s forget about the new guard and all the things that occur when you nationalise industries. People are asking very serious questions about where we are now. What on earth has happened to this nation? It has devolved into something that is quite peculiar. You are getting all these manifestations, and it is costing you only $1¼ billion a week. What a bargain! What an absolute bargain! It must be a bargain to live at the philosophical brothel of ideas for only $1¼ billion a week—
—and that is what it is costing Australia to live at this place. This is incredible.
How did we get ourselves into this bind? How could Australia honestly stay with this person for another three years? How could we possibly even venture down the path of living at this philosophical brothel for another three years? Look at the absolute hypocrite that Mr Rudd has made of Minister Wong. I honestly believe that what Minister Wong said was what she believed. But now, in his absolutely mercenary way, he has not only let down the Australian people; he is also destroying his colleagues, one after the other. He does not care who he shoots. He does not care what he does. It is beyond his capacity to have empathy and to actually understand what is happening. Look at all the people who are going to be cast aside and who are going to be made to look like hypocrites. Whether you are Peter Garrett or Penny Wong—next it will be Combet—you would do well to stay away from the Prime Minister.
But there is one thing I do not want you to do: don’t you dare change him, because we want him there. Don’t you dare change to Julia Gillard; you leave Mr Rudd right there, because he is turning into our biggest asset. We will watch tonight with wonderment as they put forward Wayne Swan to try to shade out Mr Rudd. Now we know that this is how far it has descended: Wayne Swan is going to save Kevin Rudd. That is where it has got to and that is what we will see tonight on television. It has really become total and utter pathos.