From ABC Online's The Drum Unleashed.

Speaking engagements always require the courteous response to the poor soul who has read the long-outdated bio and on whose head the job of introducing yours truly has fallen.

There are three standard responses to the introduction. 

Firstly, standard intro and standard thank you. Secondly, interesting and pithy intro which gets the old gag "Thanks for the kind introduction; I can not wait to hear myself speak". Finally there is the overwhelming intro from the fervent supporter to which the reply is "I do not know why you are sitting, didn't you hear what the man just said? You should be kneeling". 

My introduction to my shadow ministry role from the fourth estate definitely deserves response number two.

The trick in politics is to paint your target in your colours rather than theirs. For me they, nasty horrid people, have three main approaches in how they will do this painting.

1. Patronising - Nice bloke from the country so he can lift heavy things and lick between his fingers, thinks opera is a TV show between shopping programme and screaming kids coming back from school. 

2. Discrediting - Accountant and in parliament so he is either unbalanced or lying. Tell the gallery that he reached the dizzy heights of assistant treasurer of the Muckadilla Fishing Club and has never stopped talking about it as a career highlight. 

Oh, there is an unusual 2(b). Peter Garrett is saying that I am morphing into Sir Les Patterson. Pete, Les's trick was to conjure up rorts with Gough Whitlam that got him dough that he could "piss up against the wall". 

Now Pete, how was Copenhagen?

3. Evil or/and uncontrollable - Most importantly bring up every issue he has discussed prior to entering shadow cabinet and sit back and see if his head falls off. 

This is a political lesson to all, do not say anything that could ever be contrived as a personal opinion, in fact do your very best not to have an opinion, in fact in fact do not have an opinion that you do not have an opinion. 

Enter work via the Parliament House car park, not the main door, and see if you can stay totally anonymous. If you can be totally anonymous you have a bright and long political career in front of you as you are a clean slate to become whatever is required. 

I must admit Labor is good at this. 

A lot of mileage has been made out of two views I hold. I think the US could be in a spot of bother with its debt. 

When Credit Default Swaps (CDS), basically insurance on governments going broke, have traded at up to 60 basis points on US currency for which you have exposure, $30,000 cost on cover for $US1 million over five years, then so do others and they are prepared to pay for the insurance, regardless of Saul Eslake's opinion on the matter. 

No matter how many times I say very, very distant, the story does not sell unless you say "he reckons the financial world will end, tomorrow. Faa!. Fool, doesn't he realise you just print money when you run out". 

Prime Minister Rudd and Minister Wong's "imminent and catastrophic climate change" and Peter Garrett's "six metre sea rises" by the end of the century are apparently abundantly responsible statements. 

My worst case scenario is you are broke under these two senior ministers and the Prime Minister you and all who you love are dead.

Anyway the Labor machine is effective and as far as the media goes. It is for me that it is demanded that I go on my knees in the white robes of the penitent to read the proscribed abjuration. 

The second view is that we would be more than curious if our government was running around buying mines so maybe we should be a little cautious about another country's government buying them. Response: xenophobic bigot who is undermining our nations development. 

Anyway, no sour grapes. That is what backgrounders are paid for. I have done it myself, pounded the corridors and sell the destruction of your political foe. It should be a compliment as you are only concerned about threats so backgrounding is an announcement of your own competency as much as your targets. 

Now lately, I am talking days here, I have been out of the media and what do I pick up; my wings have been clipped and I am potentially politically impotent. 

Castle takes bishop, bishop takes rook; should stand aside for young talent to come through. 

I am not quite at the end of my first term in Senate and have not even been in Canberra for a sitting week as Shadow Minister and I am being asked to stand aside as I have become, lately, so passé'. 

Anyhow enough of that self-indulgent whinge, back to holding Labor to account whilst keeping you reading. 

I heard it is freezing in Copenhagen at the moment so I hope they all made it home safely after dealing soooo effectively with warming. 

Kevin apparently is dealing with the culture shock of being slowly weaned off the RAAF VIP jet; they have kept it parked out the back so he can run out to it if he gets travel anxiety. 

And now for the genuinely most important message, Merry Christmas.